oh god the rape fog is back!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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