It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize