I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
