Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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