I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
