idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Soap is not a condiment
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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