I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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