Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
