Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
