fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
