I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
