Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize