why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
