i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Found your dick twin last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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