I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
