Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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