Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
