Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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