i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
