A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
