Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
