I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
