Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
