so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
