You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
