Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
