What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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