Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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