i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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