she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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