I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
