Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
