I just pynch a tree in the face
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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