Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
