I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
