Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
