I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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