Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize