If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
