she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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