did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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