I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
