What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
