I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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