The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
