Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
