drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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