Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize