the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
