She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
