dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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