I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
