like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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