You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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