i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
