I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
