We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
