Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
