I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
honey bunches of taint.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
