I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
