Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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