All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
