By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
