OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
