hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
