don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
