I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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