proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
His nipple licking is glorious
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