i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
