im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
