my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
