I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
