There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
