Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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