don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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