Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I need to align my fucking chakras
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize