Acid is not a monday night drug
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
