I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
