so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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