Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
