were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
